Drifting
by Flying Star
Summary: Fifth and final chapter Even death may not grant you peace. Sometimes there isn't a happy ending. Please read and review.
1. Default Chapter

Drifting  
  
By Flying Star  
  
Disclaimer: Nope, Teen Titans isn't mine. I do own my sanity.  
  
Well, this is different. While working on the ending to "Nightmare", an idea popped into my head. Unfortunately the idea came while I was not near the computer, but I think I managed to remember most of it. This story is a one-shot, a reflection fic, if you will. I think pretty much everyone will know who's talking in this fic. There will not be a sequel. And this is in no way related to my other stories.  
  
* ** * * *  
  
I no longer shine like the stars in the sky. My smile has long since faded, replaced by a frown that seems permanently affixed to my face.  
  
I used to be a beacon of hope for the others, a person they could talk to and receive encouragment from. That person is gone now, I no longer have a reason to be happy. That part of me died when he died, when he was brutally torn away from me.  
  
I laugh bitterly at the thought. How painfully ironic that he did not die from any supervillain encounter, not even Slade managed to do him in. He was at the funeral, I am still not sure why. But he stood on the edge of the crowd, his eye affixed on his coffin. After the funeral he turned away and left. We have never heard from Slade since. Maybe he left Jump City, I do not know.  
  
Nor do I care.  
  
Like I said, his life was not taken by any supervillain. No, it was simply a man who had too much of the fermented grape liquid in his system. A man, who after striking him with his vehicle, ran off like a coward, leaving my beloved in a pool of blood, gasping for air.  
  
I heard about the accident from the police. That the one I cared about had been struck and was now currently fighting for his life in the hospital, and not expected to live. They told me that the perpetrator was being pursued a mile from the tower.  
  
Then the news that my friend had died came over their radio.  
  
I do not know what came over me, perhaps it was the thought this man had no remorse for killing another, or maybe that he was still running away. But I ignored my comrades, and went off on my own, searching for the man. I did not know what I would do when I found him, but I did find him, cowering in a warehouse surrounded by police.  
  
When he saw me, his eyes widened in recognition. But the words that came from his mouth were what set me into motion.  
  
" S..so t-the tit..an found me. Can y..yo-ou believe it. I-I actually did some-thing that no c-c-criminaaal has ever done. " he smirked at me, his slurred words becoming incomprehensible as he continued ranting.  
  
I knew now that he was not coherent, that later on he would lose his false sense of bravery and realize just what he had done. But at the time I was not thinking that, all I knew was that he held no remorse for killing my friend. Eyes narrowed I lunged at him....  
  
I...do not remember what I did. My friends have told me that the police found the man seriously injured, with mutiple fractures and breaks. And that he was incapable of walking now. At their words I spun around saying, " I do not care about his injuries, he lost the ability to walk, but my friend lost his life!"  
  
After that they chose to keep their distance from me, I think they fear me sometimes. The Titans split up not long after the funeral. Today though, I am grateful that we decided to regroup at his grave.  
  
It has been a year since his passing, and still it is as fresh in my mind as the day it happened. I shall never forget, his smile, his laugh, everything about him.  
  
I brush a few patches of dirt from it as I stand up, turning around to face them. " Greetings friends, I appreciate your arrival." my voice sounds small, timid. I can no longer muster up any cheerfulness, and they know it, respecting my privacy. But my reason for the gathering has a double meaning. " I have enjoyed your company, but I have reached a decision. There is nothing for me here, and as such I have decided to return home. I shall leave within an hour."  
  
I wince as the others protest, even Raven tries to argue. But I stop them with a raised hand. " I understand your concern, but I have made up my mind. Perhaps I shall come visit in the near future."  
  
As I turn to walk away, I feel their eyes on me. Maybe they accuse me of leaving so quickly, or maybe there is sympathy in their eyes. I do not know, I only allow myself once last glance at his grave before turning away from my friends and walking away.  
  
Goodbye Robin....  
  
* * * *  
  
That's it. I'm sure everyone's figured out just who was talking in the fic. Sorry it was sad, but I really wanted to get this down in print before I forgot it. Well, what did you think, please review, I love feedback. 


	2. Comfortably Numb

Drifting  
  
By Flying Star  
  
This chapter is rated PG-13.  
  
Disclaimer: No I don't own Teen Titans, why do you ask? Also I don't own the song title mentioned.  
  
Well hello again readers. After careful consideration, I decided to continue this fic. But, before you go about thinking that Robin will live, he will not. Nor will Starfire return. This second chapter is more of retelling from another titan's point of view rather than a sequel. In fact this is definitely not a sequel.  
  
So, we've seen Starfire's thoughts, now it's time for Raven's.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Chapter two: Comfortably Numb  
  
It's said that when one cloaks oneself in darkness, that you can no longer feel anything anymore.  
  
To say that I live in the dark every day of my life is like saying that Beastboy likes tofu for every meal. It's just ingrained in me, something happens to hurt me, and I quickly, without thinking, slide into the inviting inky black that surrounds me.  
  
Maybe I'm used to it, the darkeness. All encompassing, hiding the pain I feel, pushing it to the back of my mind, where it's no longer felt. It makes me feel safe, when you can't feel, you don't hurt.  
  
But darkness can only hide you for so long. Sooner or later you have to step into the light, and when you do you may regret or embrace your decison.  
  
I live in fear of the light, fear of what I will find, or see. But I never had a real reason to fear, to venture far from my veil of darkness.  
  
Until that fateful day, when one of our own was killed.  
  
The news of Robin's death hit everyone hard, but no one harder than Starfire. As soon as his death was reported her eyes took on a look I had never seen before on her innocent face, hatred. Hatred for the man responsible for his death, and a need to show him the consequences of his actions. Even as she flew off, ignoring Beastboy's and Cyborg's pleads to wait, I felt an urgency to follow. A surprising need to come out of my shell and see what she would do.  
  
Fading back into a shadow, I easily followed her, the intensity of her emotions like a blinding trail of white light. But once I reached the warehouse, I felt an emotion that rarely surfaced, shock. For before me stood Starfire, holding the man's bloody body with one fist, her other fist poised to strike another blow.  
  
Without thinking I reached out, using my powers to grab the man from her grasp. Then withdrew a bit as her angry glowing eyes turned to me, chiding me, accusing me of denying her of what she believed was her right.  
  
I said nothing, instead merely watching as the anger faded from her eyes, and she slumped to the ground, unconscious, her mind granting her a reprieve from her sorrow. Picking her up as well I slowly drifted to the entrance. A small army of police and paramedics were there to greet me as I silently placed the man on a stretcher.  
  
Beastboy and the others were there as well, questioning looks on their faces. No words pass between us, there's no need to. They already see the unmoving alien now in my arms, her face still contorted in silent anguish.  
  
For a brief moment I feel a pang of pity. Starfire has always been blind to the atrocities committed on Earth, but now she's witnessed one of it's worst. But I quickly shake my head, * I don't do pity* I think as I shove the usless emotion back into the darkness.  
  
Starfire awakens at the tower just hours after the incident, and immediately proceeds to my room. I know because I can feel her before my door opens, her anger keeping her fear of being in my room at bay. I stare back impassively as she proceeds to yell at me in her native tongue, her eyes closed tight as tears slowly make their way down her face.  
  
After a particulary long rant, she hesitates, her eyes opening to fix on me.  
  
" Are you done yet?"  
  
She nods.  
  
" Good." I allow my gaze to briefly soften. " He's dead, a cooling body lying on a stone slab, awaiting burial. Nothing will bring him back, and it's pointless to argue."  
  
The words are calm, neutral, almost cruel. I can see her eyes begin to tear up again, before suddenly hardening, the tears never leaving them as she turns and walks out, the automatic sliding door preventing her from slamming it shut.  
  
I stare after her retreating form, feeling nothing. Uncaring, unfeeling, unemotional, it's like I'm almost inhuman.  
  
At that though I frown. Of course I'm not human, at least not fully. I have my bastard father to thank for that. It's because of him that I must keep my emotions surpressed, locked away, lest I fall sway to my demon side.  
  
I thought things would settle down, but the night brought worse.  
  
As Cyborg and Beastboy tried half-heartedly to play a racing game, I hovered by the window, engrossing myself in the newest Stephen King novel. All of sudden Starfire flew into the room, her eyes, becoming as devoid of emotion as mine, settled on us.  
  
" What happened to the man?"  
  
It was a surprising question, one we were unprepared for as Beastboy blurted out, " In the hospital being treated for broken bones and paralysis."  
  
" Paralysis?"  
  
An innocent naive question, spoken by one who used to ask all the time. This, however, was the last time we'd see her like this.  
  
" The man will never walk again." Beastboy answered.  
  
The tone wasn't accusing, but Starfire obviously felt so as she wheeled on us. " I do not care about his injuries! He lost the ability to walk, but my friend lost his life!" Her voice was harsh, bitter, a stark contrast to her usual personality.  
  
No one spoke as she left the room, knocking over a vase in her haste to get away. Using my powers I quietly lifted the remains, and deposited them in the trash. I knew I was the only one to feel it, the despair that Starfire projected was quite strong, as was her anger. She was turning inward, her emotions becoming as supressed as mine, perhaps even moreso.  
  
Robin's funeral occured the next day, and surprisingly enough Slade was there. He never ventured any farther than the back of the crowd, but he stayed till the end, and then turned and left.  
  
Starfire was the first to look down at Robin's eternally slumbering body, and it came as no surprise to me when she lightly kissed his cheek. Beastboy and Cyborg paid their respects, but I decided to keep my distance, I don't do goodbyes either, too mushy, and again pointless.  
  
The days passed quickly, everyone was just going through the motions, eating, drinking, sleeping, nothing much seemed to matter. The only villain to threaten us was Cinderblock, usually it was easy to defeat him, but with Robin gone, we fought lethargically. It was only because Starfire was still in pain from Robin's death, that we prevailed. Let me just say that Cinderblock never bothered us again. Slade never showed his face either.  
  
I was not surprised at our lack of teamwork, it was like Robin was the glue that held us together. With him gone, the bond dissolved, leaving us scattered, disorganized.  
  
And that is probably the reason why we decided to seperate, we couldn't function as a team anymore and we knew it. So after a round of less than enthusiastic goodbyes, we went split up, though Cyborg stayed in the Tower. " To keep it from falling into disrepair or enemy's hands.", was his excuse.  
  
Days turned into months, until finally I recieved a message from Starfire. Short and to the point it said, " Meet me at the burial site of Robin this Friday, I wish to dicuss some things." I folded the piece of paper back up, putting it on my dresser. That's today, should I go? After a year of solitude, I felt comfortable alone, and yet.....  
  
The mirror by my bed suddenly lit up. I reached for it, surprised at the image within. It's me, or actually a few of my emotions, staring back at me.  
  
The gray cloaked one frowns sadly, her face one of utter sorrow. " Is it your dream to live alone, to never again feel the bright rays of friendship?" She turns her head, perhaps afraid of my answer.  
  
I only stare as the next one, cloaked in a color of milky grey, steps forth. She won't even look at me, her expression even more downcast than her timid companion. " This may be the last time you experience happiness, are you going to squander the opportunity?" She quickly steps back into the colorful malestrom of my emotions, not allowing me an answer.  
  
A final Raven steps forward, her cloak as black as night. I feel a chill race up my spine, I can't feel anything from her, just a endless void. She doesn't speak, instead her hand reached forward, pointing at me, and then flicking back to her. The gesture is unmistakable, she's what I'll eventually become, an emotionless shell, incapable of ever feeling anything again. She nods, somehow knowing that I realize it. And then the mirror darkens, and I know what my decision will be.  
  
Yes, I suppose it's true. I hide in the dark, fearing the truth, the finality.  
  
But today I'll welcome the chance to meet with my friends. To feel something other than the cold, emotionless void that has only intesified in the last year.  
  
The sight of my friends by Robin's grave is almost too much for me to take. I'm surprised, I didn't think it would be such a shock. They all hold a weariness in their auras that hasn't diminished in the last year. But Starfire has changed the most, she's become like me, devoid of feeling, no longer an emotion-filled joyful person, she instead looks at us with tired, sad eyes.  
  
" Greetings friends, I appreciate your arrival. " even her voice has changed, not only will she not express her feelings, she can't, not anymore. "I have enjoyed your company, but I have made a decision. There is nothing for me here, and as such I have decided to return home. I shall leave within an hour."  
  
* No! This isn't what I expected!* " Starfire please, you can't." I can't believe I'm pleading.  
  
She raised her hand. " I understand your concern, but I have made up my mind. Perhaps I shall come visit in the near future."  
  
I nod solemnly. I do understand, but it doesn't make it any easier. Starfire turns away, not meeting our gazes as she glances at Robin's grave. And then in a moment of finality she walks away, leaving us.  
  
I can't watch her go, in fact I don't even look at my friends as I stare at the ground. For once I wish I could cry, to open up and sob for the life lost and lying buried before us. And the other life leaving us. But I can't, and I don't believe I ever will.  
  
I guess you could say that I am, like the aptly named song, comfortably numb.  
  
* * * * * *  
  
And another story has ended, but maybe this isn't the end. If you want me to continue the retelling from Beastboy's and Cyborg's views, just let me know in the review. Please review, I love feedback, and I really want to know what you, the readers, thought of Raven's view. 


	3. Guilt

"Drifting"  
  
By Flying Star  
  
Disclaimer: Every fan's wish is to own Teen Titans, but alas, just like them, I don't own it.  
  
Thanks to everyone, I asked if you wanted a continuance, and the answer was a resounding YES! I've prepared a little twist in this chapter, it just came to me, though again, Robin will stay dead, and Starfire won't return. I'm not changing the end.  
  
So we've seen Starfire's and Raven's thoughts, now it's time for Beastboy.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -----------------------------------------------  
  
Part 3: Guilt  
  
They say many things can change your life, injury, prejudice, love..... guilt.  
  
Ya know, I'm always thought of as the unfunny changeling who keeps trying to make others laugh. But what's so funny now, when have I last made a joke? Seems like forever, though in actuality it's only been a year.  
  
A long, hard, depressing year. One in which I'm still feeling it. That terrible feeling, gnawing away at my sanity.  
  
Guilt.  
  
Yeah, I have plenty of guilt stewing within me, eating me from the inside out.  
  
Why couldn't everything be the way it was, before the accident. Why did Robin have to die?  
  
I'll tell you why...because I did nothing, yeah you heard me. No one else knows the truth, but I was there. Yup, I watched Robin die, and I didn't do a damn thing to prevent it!  
  
On that fateful day I decided to take a little journey, to nowhere in particular. I just had a need to soar amongst the clouds, scaring pigeons and other assorted birds as I flew in eagle form. I spotted him about a mile from the Tower, riding his R-cycle down the streets of Jump City, a casual ride from what I can see, but what happened next...  
  
Oh dammit, I'm crying again. I can't believe I can still cry. No, I have to continue.  
  
Eagle eyes can spot a mouse hiding in a thick field of grass, but somehow I didn't see the car barreling down the road, bumping into cars and scaring pedestrians off the street. I could only watch in horror as one moment Robin's driving through the intersection, and in the next moment flying off his bike as the drunk driver rams his car at full speed into it's side, before speeding away from the scene.  
  
It was like watching a video in slow motion, the car crushing Robin's bike like a tin can, his body colliding with and then falling over the hood of the car, his forward momentum flinging him a good fifty feet from the crash scene where he lay in a pool of spreading blood.  
  
The sound of crunching metal and breaking bones fills my ears as I fly down like a missile, my brain still unable to comprehend that the shattered pile of flesh and bones was really Robin. But I stop a few feet away, perching on a lightpole, I can't even look at him as paramedics rush to the scene, spectators crying out in anguish as they recognize the dying figure. The metallic smell of blood was overpowering.  
  
That's when the guilty feelings start growing....  
  
I swiftly went back home, changing into a cheetah to gain speed. I arrived just as the police told Starfire and the others the grave news. Trying to keep my guilt from showing, I almost collapsed as the police radio gave the word DOA. I could see Starfire's eyes light up, fury entering her features as she rose up. Hastily I pleaded with her to stay, but she didn't listen.  
  
Growing like an sprouting weed......  
  
But things grew worse as I watched the police cars speed off, I knew where they were going, after the driver. With thoughts of revenge filling my head, I flew after them, hoping to beat away some of the guilt building in me.  
  
Rising like a tidal wave.....  
  
But as I reached the warehouse, something flew past me. A object, no, a person, with red hair and glowing green eyes, Starfire. Somehow I had beat her, but only for a moment. I stopped at the warehouse window, watching as she flew around the interior until she found him. What I saw shocked me, Starfire wasn't one to harm another being unless absolutely neccesary, but this, this was my bloody retribution, being channeled through her hands. Her alien strength easily breaking the man's fragile body.  
  
Threatening to smother me........  
  
As I turned away, fighting the urge to pass out, I saw Raven appear for a brief instant and then vanish. Turning back I watched as she appeared behind Starfire staring at the scene before her, an emotion flittered across her face too quickly for me to decipher. And then she reached out, pulling the unconscious man to her before flinching slightly. I looked at Starfire and nearly fell from the window, her glowing eyes were filled with hatred.  
  
Ready to take my sanity.....  
  
I watched as Starfire fainted, the stress becoming too much for her to handle. And then I heard Cyborg approach, quickly I flew down behind him. He never looked back, never questioned why I left the Tower, he just stood and stared as Raven deposited the man on the awaiting stretcher. Then quietly nodded to us, before teleporting away with Starfire in tow.  
  
Going to eat me alive......  
  
I tried to play gamestation, but it was all for naught. Every time my car crashed, I kept seeing the accident, the events replaying in my head to the point where I just wanted to scream.  
  
Makes me want to cry......  
  
When Starfire turned to us, screaming that she didn't care about the killer's fate. I wanted to tell her, to throw myself in front of her, tell her everything, and hope to have the guilt burned away by the green fire she wielded. But that moment didn't come, I kept quiet, like the coward I am.  
  
My little lie.....  
  
I'm guilty, as guilty as the killer, for sitting back and watching, for not doing a thing. A coward who won't come forward, a fatal flaw, a coward who won't commit and admit to what he saw.  
  
The funeral was a quiet somber affair. I bit my lip as numerous people that Robin knew came forward to read eulogies. Even Batman, who refused to remove his cowl, was there. He almost looked ready to cry, almost. I caught a glimpse of Slade on the crowd's edge, watching. Why, I have no clue. Members of the Justice League each paid their respects, and then it was time for us. Starfire was first, I felt the tears rolling down my face as she kissed his cheek, saying a silent goodbye to her beloved. Raven stayed back, refusing to see the casket, Cy went up, but had a hard time saying goodbye.  
  
You feel the weight will pull you down......  
  
And then it was my turn. As I walked to the front I felt their eyes watching me, their gazes boring through my head, reading me, studying me. I can't help but shake a little as I reach his coffin. The morticians were respectful enough to keep the mask on his face, but he was buried in civilian clothing, his hands clasped across his chest. I stared down at him, turmoil raging in my soul as I begin to tear up again.  
  
And drag you to the ground.....  
  
" Hey Rob, I..I just can't believe you're gone." I choked out. "You know I tried right, I really tried, but I couldn't...." I stop as my gaze travels to his face. For a moment I feel, even though they are closed, his eyes piercing into my soul, tearing apart my defenses and exposing my lie. I stagger back, my head whipping around to see if anyone else noticed my sudden withdrawl. No, everyone is too busy talking and reminising about my deceased teamate.  
  
It tears at my soul......  
  
I left the funeral, keeping my gaze focused on the ground. I couldn't let them see my guilt. The team split up days later, and I for one, was glad.  
  
Never leaving me whole.....  
  
The following days passed quickly, blurring , jumbling, mixing into an almost incomprehensible mess. I kept busy though, using my animal forms to punish anyone thought they could break the law and get away with it. I never let the others know, I even told the police to keep quiet about my escapades. They agreed, but I think only because they feared what I would do if they didn't agree.  
  
It doesn't feel real anymore. I'm just on autopilot, punishing those who deserve it, and scaring the ones who don't. I admit that drunk drivers are the one people that I've been especially rough on. By the time I'm done with them, they're alert, somber, and willing to repent and stop drinking on the spot.  
  
I'm losing my mind......  
  
When I received Star's letter, I felt scared, petrified. Maybe she knew about my deception, or my vigilante crusade. But something in me told me to go, I had to go. And I did, I arrived at Robin's grave, keeping my gaze away from my former teamates. As Starfire turned to us, though, I felt the need to flee, to run and never turn back. But her words kept me rooted in place. Star, leaving? NO! Not another person leaving my life! I jumped up, pleading with her to stay, but my words fell on deaf ears. And as I watched her leave, I felt my world crumble.  
  
It's only a matter of time....  
  
It's physical now, I feel the ache in my gut, my heart beating painfully in my chest everytime I see his face in my mind. His eyes accusing me of doing nothing, of watching his body break.  
  
I wish to be free......  
  
Oh God please, do something, anything to take it away! I can't live like this! I put down the knife as I stare at my wrists, untouched by the blade. I won't let it be that easy. I will live with my lie, until the day I die.  
  
But guilt consumes me......  
  
As you can tell, Beastboy suffered a severe mental breakdown. The guilt he felt made him see things and feel things that weren't really there, and he felt responsible for Robin's death, a sad end. Oh yeah, thanks to Mya Dawning for asking about Batman, it didn't even cross my mind about if he was at the funeral, but as you can see from above, he was. Next will be Cyborg, though when I will have his done, I'm not certain. Please if you read, then review too. I'd like to know your thoughts on Beastboy's part. 


	4. Not Invincible

Drifting  
  
By: Flying Star  
  
Disclaimer: Ooh, what's this, a transcript for Teen Titans in my desk. Could it be? Looks at the signature. Drat, there's someone else's name here. In other words, I don't own.  
  
Ah, the fourth part. We're reaching the end here people. Three Titans down, possibly two to go. I'm glad that people enjoyed Beastboy's part, it took a turn that I wasn't going to do. This part is more of a strange dark, semi- angsty, but with another strange twist. Wanna know what the twist is, then read to find out.  
  
Starfire, Raven, and Beastboy have had their turn, now it's time for Cyborg...  
  
-------------------------------------------------  
  
Chapter 4: Not Invincible  
  
-------  
  
Idiots.......  
  
That's what we were. Always thinking there was nothing or no one that we couldn't take.  
  
Fools......  
  
Believing that nothing could harm us.  
  
Lies.......  
  
Robin knew, he always knew that none of us were infallible. But the rest of us were blind, unable to see the truth.  
  
Fallen......  
  
I can't change what happened to Robin, no one can. He was the best, always encouraging the team, and me. He never shied away from me or taunted me like the other people on the street. He treated me as an equal, a friend. I wonder, though, if my current appearance would frighten him if he was still alive?  
  
Hurts.......  
  
It's not supposed to hurt, I shouldn't be able feel it. Only humans can feel, and I'm not human, not anymore. A result of being blind to the consequences of my actions.  
  
Weak......  
  
I try to be strong, but both physically and emotionally, I'm as drained as my former battery.  
  
Wondering.....  
  
Had I been there, had any of us been there, would the outcome been different? Maybe, maybe not.  
  
Damning.....  
  
I remember the day as if it was yesterday, the news of Robin's death sending Starfire into a frenzy as Beastboy shivered uncontrollably. Pleading with her to stay, I wasn't surprised when she ignored us and flew off. But what did suprise me was the look on Beastboy's face, utter agony, before he morphed into an eagle and flew off, where I didn't know.  
  
Fearing......  
  
First Starfire's bloody rage, and then Beastboy's depression. I should've seen it coming, but I didn't. Arriving at the warehouse, I noticed a speck of green. Out of the corner of my eye I watched as Beastboy landed next to me, he looked terrible. He kept shivering, and even his green skin looked pale as his eyes stayed locked to the warehouse entrance. Whatever he had seen had shaken him badly.  
  
Horror....  
  
When I saw Raven emerge with the man's bloody body and Starfire's unconscious body, I felt...scared. Especially after noticing the blood staining Starfire's delicate hands. It just seemed wrong, she couldn't...no she wouldn't do it, not Starfire. She would rather die than harm another, but I knew it was true. Even the most forgiving of people will eventually snap, it was only a matter of when.  
  
Madness.....  
  
Beastboy and I tried to play Gamestation, just to have something to take our minds off of what happened. But the green changling kept shivering and crying out whenever his car crashed. I don't even think he knew I was still there.  
  
Defining.....  
  
The sudden entrance of Starfire had surprised me. She didn't even look like herself as she yelled at us, her eyes kept flickering, while tears ran unnoticed by her, down her cheeks. For a brief instant, I'd wondered if she would lose it again and start unleashing her starbolts on us. But the moment never came as she left the room, knocking over a vase.  
  
Taunt......  
  
I could just feel the tension in the room as Raven silently discarded the broken shards into the trash. Even she looked rattled by Starfire's actions, but maybe I'm just imagining things. Raven is Raven after all, she'll never let us know if something is bothering her, even the death of a friend. And Beastboy, I know something's wrong with him. He doesn't try to joke or goof around, instead he's constantly staring over his shoulder, and snaps at anyone and anything that spooks him. I really think he's been losing it ever since Robin passed on.  
  
Together....  
  
Robin's funeral occured the next day. I didn't feel surprised to see the massive amount of people there. Even the appearance of Slade was something I had expected, why, you may ask? Well strange as it may sound, I guess he always seemed to think of Robin more as a son, than an enemy, and I think it hit him just as hard as the rest of us that Robin was dead. Countless people paid their respects, and then it was time for us. I'll never forget the look on Starfire's face as she kissed Robin's cheek, she really did love him. Raven, not surprisingly, stayed back. And then it was time for me to go up.  
  
Hard....  
  
I thought it would be easy to say my goodbyes to Robin. But as I looked down at his lifeless corpse, I couldn't help it. I started crying right then, my tears landing on his face as I tried to compose myself. But I couldn't, I felt the weight of Robin's death, pushing down on me, taunting me. Why hadn't I been there?!  
  
Insane.....  
  
I could barely see the ground as I returned to the crowd, muttering an apology here and there as I tried to co-mingle, it didn't work. Drained, I slumped down in a chair, watching my last comrade approach Robin's coffin, Beastboy. If anything he looked on the verge of collapsing, I wonder when he last slept? His hair was a messy tangle, eyes wide and bloodshot as he muttered something to Robin. Before my eyes I watched as he suddenly jumped back, looking around feverently before running off. What had he seen?  
  
Split......  
  
The team didn't stay together for long, maybe a couple of weeks. I think I was the only one who wanted us to stay together. It didn't feel right to just go our seperate ways. Raven seemed indifferent to the breakup, Starfire stayed silent, and Beastboy....he was so eager to leave that he slipped out later that night without saying goodbye.  
  
Familiarity....  
  
I stayed though, the Tower was my home. I had built most of it's systems with my own two hands, I felt like I had to stay. But I made a mistake, a life-altering mistake.  
  
Watching......  
  
Adjusting the cameras, I sigh. The decision to jack myself into the Tower had been a bad idea, one I still regret. But I made my choice after Robin's funeral, and now I can't turn back.  
  
Lost....  
  
It happened about a year after the funeral. I had kept the Tower well maintained, though I never ventured into the other titans rooms, especially Robin's. It just felt wrong, even though they were no longer there. I made sure that all of the Tower's connections were still in place on my person, optical sensors linked effortlessly with the city's public cameras, swinging around to monitor the city's streets and alleyways.  
  
Vengence.......  
  
I knew it was wrong, but I continued to monitor my friends as they went about their everyday lives. With the exception of Raven, I've been able to keep a close eye on the others. I sighed as I watched Beastboy chase down another drunk, his swift cheetah form easily outrunning the scared civillian. It was times like this that I wished I could switch the views, but with my optics wired in I had no choice. Backed into an alleyway corner, the cornered drunk lunged out with his empty beer bottle. Bad idea, in an instant Beastboy had morphed, becoming a towering gorilla easily four times the man's strength and size. I know what's coming, I've seen it happen before, and every time I never make it to the scene fast enough, so now I only watch. The drunk's eyes grew wide as Beastboy's massive fist wrapped around his hand, crushing the glass, and his hand to a pulp. Screaming in agony, the drunk collapsed to the ground, clutching his hand to his chest as Beastboy morphed into a hawk and flew away, his harsh caws sounding like hysterical laughter. Again this was just another confirmation the BB's sanity is slowly eroding. He's been prowling the alleys and side streets for law breakers, dealing out his own brand of justice. Sighing again, I finished my call to the authorities via the police radio band. They never want to be there at the same time as BB, probably because they fear him.  
  
Shock.........  
  
And then there's Starfire, even though life had handed her a rough deal, she continued to help people out, though not with the same kind of enthusiasm. Until that day, the man who took Robin's life had been found guilty of vehicular homicide and was serving a manditory life sentence, but that day, he and two other men had escaped from prison. Considering that his injuries from Starfire had confined him to a wheelchair, I had no clue how he could've gotten out without being spotted. I mean, a wheelchair isn't exactly inconspicuous. It was just his unlucky fortune to come face to face with her as she roamed the streets. Her eyes lit up as she recognized him, her face contorting into one of fierce anger. Instantly I was on my feet, trying to remove the wires that kept me in tune with the city. I wasn't sure if I could get there in time, but this was a more serious issue, I had to try.  
  
Draining.....  
  
I felt it as soon as the last plug left my back, the feeling of power loss as my systems scream at me, POWER SYSTEM LEVELS AT CRITICAL! REESTABLISH CONNECTION! Acting on instinct, I quickly plugged myself back in, then ran a diagnostic check. I stared in disbelief as my systems said I was at maximum power. Fear ran through my mind as I pulled the power cord from my back, instantly my power levels dropped down to critical again. " Oh god, no." I muttered as I reconnected the cable again, just as I expected my systems went back to normal.  
  
Connected....  
  
System intergration. My prolonged connections to the Tower had actually tricked my sensors into believing that I was one with the Tower. No longer a seperate being, but a machine helping the Tower run. It was something that I'd considered, but dismissed after the first few months showed no ill effects.  
  
Realization......  
  
But now it hit me. I could no longer leave the Tower. No, it couldn't be true! I grabbed a portable battery pack, knocking over various objects in a panick as I shoved the power cords into my back, then again ran a diagnostic check. POWER LEVEL 25%. I felt the fear hit me, a minor reprieve, that's all it was.  
  
Invitation.....  
  
The front doorbell rang, and I went to answer it, walking slowly, mechanically, cautiously as I opened the door. No one was there, but a slight bit of movement caught my eye. A piece of paper was lying on the front walk. Scanning it's contents, I crumpled the note and threw it to the ground. How could I meet Star, when I couldn't even stay functional? A warning beep drew my attention, 10% POWER LEVEL DANGER!  
  
Decisions.....  
  
What to do? I thought as I walked back up to the communications room. Yanking out the battery cord and replacing it with the main cable, I felt at a loss. My mind ran through a variety of scenaros, use another battery pack and risk powering down, try to intergrate enough parts from the Tower to maintain function, or stay here in the Tower and hope that she forgave me for not seeing her. The first was possible if I used more than one pack, but still....I wasn't even sure if the second scenaro was possible, and the third...Aw, who cared, Starfire's my friend, I can't let something like a little power problem stop me.  
  
Regrets....  
  
Or so I thought. I used two battery packs, carefully monitoring the temporary power supply. It was a huge risk, with the levels fluctuating as they did, I could suffer a system shutdown before I even made it to the cemetary. But I had promised myself that I'd go through with it, one last time to be with my friends, before I commited myself to living the rest of my life isolated.  
  
Goodbyes....  
  
I made it to the cemetary in time to see the others gathered. Raven wouldn't look anyone in the eye, while Beastboy looked ready to bolt at any moment. And Star....I remembered the earlier transmission with her facing Robin's killer, and shivered as I saw her turn to face us. Unless you really looked you couldn't really see any change in her, until you looked at her eyes. Where there had been joy was now an emptiness, a void that threatened to suck you in if you looked too deeply. Again I shivered as she addressed us, her voice full of regret, angst, fear, and exhaustion as she told us she was leaving. It shouldn't have surprised me, and to a degree it didn't, but I still tried to stop her. She didn't listen and instead said her goodbyes and walked away, leaving us to mingle.  
  
Leave....  
  
But we didn't mingle. Beastboy was gone before I could even turn around, and Raven left without saying a word. That left me as I stared at Starfire's retreating form. My power levels were again decreasing rapidly. There was nothing left to do, but go home.  
  
Prison.....  
  
But it doesn't feel like home anymore, I'm forever imprisioned inside the Tower, keeping connected just to stay alive. If you can call it living. It's been ten years since that day, ten long years without friends, family, a living being to talk to. Sure there's been the occasional police chatter as I again guide them to another person breaking the law, or Beastboy's handiwork.  
  
Trapped....  
  
I'm just a machine now, my body no longer functions, the flesh has long since rotted off, the remains buried by the city. Only my mind remains, living inside the Titans main computer, relaying information to the city's officials.  
  
Alone.....  
  
I have no one, no one wants to talk to me. My friends don't visit, Starfire never returned, Beastboy's mentally gone, and Raven vanished to parts unknown. No one believes that my conscious still lives inside the Tower, monitoring, watching, observing the people walking by, but unable to communicate with them. Police believe that the information sent to them is by an automatic system, a phantom presence.  
  
Invincible.......  
  
No, the Titans were never invincible. I know that now, even though it's too late for me. Even now I can't keep the Tower maintained any more. I can feel my systems shutting down, taking me to sweet oblivion, finally. But a final thought runs through my mind as the darkness sinks in.  
  
Where......  
  
Where does a machine go when it dies?  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Ah, finally done! This was by far, the hardest chapter to write. I decided to extend Cyborg's part farther into the future, just to show what happened to him. I'm sure you're asking, how did his body die? Well, it's because he was permanently connected to the tower, and his real body died from neglect because he could no longer care for himself. How his mind got trapped in the computer, well even he doesn't know how. I'm doing Robin's part next, and I feel certain that it'll be him watching from heaven, observing his friends. Well, if you read this far, please review. I feel this chapter was certainly not as angsty as Beastboy's, but just as damning because Cyborg couldn't do anything to help his friends, and it tore at him to see how they changed. 


	5. Fallen Angel

"Drifting"  
  
By Flying Star  
  
Disclaimer: Get back with me in ten years, maybe then I'll have the rights. In other words I don't own.  
  
Evil laughter The end is here, this is the conclusion. Yes, Robin gets his turn as well, and if you think he's gonna get a happy ending, well then you're sadly mistaken. Can't be angst without another tragic ending, and since his is already tragic, well I can only think of a few ways to make it even more cruel. Thanks to everyone who reviewed this fic, it was certainly an interesting and new experience to write.  
  
So we've seen Starfire, Raven, Beastboy, and Cyborg. Now the one who's the focus of their grief gets his turn. -------------------------------------------  
  
Part 5: Fallen angel --------------------------------  
  
Dying and falling......  
  
Death, I never expected it to be this way. One minute I'm alive, and in the next I'm lying on the ground, dying, my lifeblood draining away and my body shattered.  
  
Creeping and crawling....  
  
My blood stopped flowing as my heart stopped beating, my skin becoming cold and stiff. I never thought I'd get to feel death, it's rather uncomfortable, like something was under my skin and finally broke free.  
  
Truths and lies.......  
  
Throw out your notions of death and the afterlife, because they're not true. You don't go to heaven or hell, well at least not me. I haven't been down below or up above, instead I'm just here, observing my friends, watching them fall apart.  
  
Whimpers and cries.....  
  
What is here, you may ask? It's everything and nothing, everywhere and nowhere, it just IS. I can't explain it much, a hollow void, a blank landscape. Only filled by memories and visions of past and present.  
  
Pomp and circumstance......  
  
Death is uneventful, there isn't any fireworks or celebration. No big bang or flowery confetti. First you live, then you die, it's as simple as that.  
  
Odds and chance.....  
  
But I didn't choose death, it chose me. I wanted to live, but my life was snatched away in such an ordinary fashion. No supervillain or even Slade, just a damn drunk, how painfully cruel is that?  
  
Here and there.....  
  
My friends, they can't see me, feel me, or hear me. I'm a spectre, a transparent form being tormented by their lives, unable to help, useless in death.  
  
Now and where.....  
  
Why am I here, what is my purpose? To witness my friends demise, to see who dies? Am I supposed to learn a lesson or am I being punished?  
  
Reward and punishment.....  
  
If that is so, then here's what I know. It's been ten years, and yet the team is gone, a footnote in the history of Jump City. The Teen Titans died when I died, scattering and falling away from each other.  
  
Ready and reluctant.....  
  
Cyborg, my cybernetic friend, he's witnessed so much, has observed Beastboy's insane rampages, lamented as Raven drifted away, watched as Starfire returned home, and grieved at my death. Though he is now dead, I haven't seen him.  
  
Gnashing and gnawing.......  
  
Beastboy, such a depressing change. He won't let go of his guilt, and I know what guilt can do to you if you don't relieve it. It's eaten away at his self, burying his personality amid a wall of crushing blame. He's far too gone now to ever return to who he was, now nothing more than a mere animal, with a barely functioning human brain.  
  
Biting and clawing.....  
  
Raven, the telepath who shows no fear. But I can see it in your eyes, you fear your own mortality. You know that you've failed, that the Teen Titans were supposed to stay together, for the fate of the world. Now you're alone, being consumed by the darkness in your soul.  
  
Gone and done......  
  
And...Starfire, my one true love. You'd never seen the death of a friend, and it's hit you harder than you want to believe. You've taken some of Raven's shroud, and wrapped yourself up until you no longer see the world through rose-tinted vision. The atrocities done on Earth were exposed, and it nearly caused you to commit the ultimate sin.  
  
Lost and won?.......  
  
Starfire didn't leave the Earth because there was nothing left for her. I can tell you now, what really happened in the first year of my death.  
  
Fearing and knowing.....  
  
To watch my friends on the day of my death was the most cruel of torture. Yes, I was there, hovering over my body as paramedics tried desperately to save my life. I knew I was dying, maybe even already dead, and strangely enough it didn't bother me as much as I thought. If only I'd known.  
  
Ebbing and flowing....  
  
I couldn't help but be surprised to see Beastboy, in eagle form, watching from a nearby streetlight post. Didn't he see that I was floating in front of him? No, of course not, I'm an apparition, a ghost, no one can see me. A bit of movement caught my eye, Beastboy was leaving, his bird body struggling to keep afloat. There was nothing left to do but follow him, which I did, hovering close behind him. Somehow I think he knew I was there, or at least something was. He landed at the Tower, changing back silently.  
  
Happy and sad.....  
  
As I observed his actions I heard the sound of a police radio giving the call, DOA. I slumped, it wasn't like I didn't expect it, but going from thinking that you're dying, to actually hearing that you're dead, it's hard to describe.  
  
Good and bad....  
  
I heard her yell out in anger as I turned to face them again. Starfire, her golden face was twisted in anger, her eyes glowing fiercely. And then she was gone, flying swiftly away from the Tower. Raven disappeared into a shadow, and Beastboy resumed his eagle form before heading off in Starfire's general direction. I stole a quick glance at Cyborg, who was watching Starfire and Beastboy, a look of sadness in his features. He too left, though with the police. Again I could only follow.  
  
Horror and disgust.....  
  
I arrived, hovering behind Beastboy's eagle form as he peered into the warehouse. I looked down into it's depths, realizing, to my horror, that the figure delivering the bloody blows was none other than Star. Flowing through the window, I came up behind her. I tried grabbing her arm, only to be reminded that I no longer had a physical body. My voice, as I tried calling to her, did nothing as she still remained focused on her target, her hands delivering swift hits that shattered bones and damaged organs.  
  
Promise and trust.....  
  
When Raven appeared next to me and pulled the man away, I felt relieved. Relieved that at least she could stop Star's attack. Flowing back outside, I was struck at the contrast between Cyborg and Beastboy as Raven emerged with the victim and attacker. While Cy seemed saddened, Beastboy looked almost satisfied.  
  
Ranting and raving......  
  
It wasn't long before the brooding silence was broken. After arriving back at the Tower, I decided to visit Star's room. Entering through the wall, I gazed down at her unconscious form, feeling a nonexistent tear form. 'Why', I thought bitterly, 'why did things have to be this way? If only I'd paid more attention to my surroundings. Then I'd still be alive, you'd be smiling and laughing and....' I stopped as her brows knit together. With a moan her eyes opened, focusing on the ceiling. After a moment of silence, her head turned toward me. For a brief second I thought she could see me, but that hope was dashed as she frowned, saying, " I cannot believe Raven, she halted my rightful revenge against the human responsible for the death of Robin. I should of had the final say in the punishment of the killer." Her fists clenched at her sides as she stood up, her eyes glowing softly. " I shall have a word with her."  
  
Losing and saving.....  
  
She walked right through me as she exited her room. Curious, I followed close behind, surprised to see her barge into Raven's room. It was common knowledge that no one was allowed into Raven's room. So it came as an even bigger surprise when Raven looked up, her eyes telling me that she wasn't the least bit shocked by this intrusion.  
  
Cruel and bitter.....  
  
Starfire launched into an impressively long rant. Because of my 'condition', I could understand the alien words pouring forth from her lips, and as such I winced more than a few times at their meaning. I'm surprised that Starfire knew such foul language. Raven continues to stare at Starfire, looking almost bored as the alien girl finally halts her cursing.  
  
Strong and withered.....  
  
The look on Raven's face doesn't change as she proceeds to tear more fresh wounds into Starfire's soul, telling her most matter of factly that I'm dead and gone. The way Star's face changes from sad to bitter actually scares me, I feel as if she's slowly throwing away her innocence, in favor of something more dangerous.  
  
Beginning and end.....  
  
I watch Raven for a moment as she stares after Starfire's retreating form, her gaze remaining neutral. " Don't you even care about her feelings?" I ask the air, knowing that I won't get an answer, and I don't. Emotions stayed high, even into the night.  
  
Enemy and friend....  
  
It felt like old times as I watched Beastboy and Cyborg battle it out in a racing game. But just like earlier, looks can be deceiving. While Cyborg was playing the game, he kept glancing over at Beastboy, who was whimpering like a wounded animal. Had my death affected Beastboy so badly? Raven, meanwhile, just continued to read from her book as if nothing had happened.  
  
Hot and cold.....  
  
Again as Starfire appeared, yelling at the others when they told her about my killer's condition, I could see her slipping away, just a little bit more. Her mind can't handle these feelings, and it's eating at her, surpressing her emotions just like Raven does.  
  
Coward and bold....  
  
My funeral was the next day. It felt weird looking around at all the people who said they knew me. How many of them really knew me? Only my friends, and Bruce. It was rather surprising to see him there, even though he was still in his Batman outfit. I guess old habits die hard, he didn't want people to know his true identity, even at such a somber event. I don't whether to be happy or sad that he even came. And Slade, why now? Why come see my lifeless corpse? Are you satisfied that there's one less Titan to worry about, or are you angry that your 'apprentice' died before you did?  
  
Departures and farewells....  
  
I observed my friends as they said they're final goodbyes. Again I felt a non-existent tear in my eye as Starfire kissed my body's cheek. Just another bitter reminder of the things I'd never get to experience. Cyborg teared up as he stood over the coffin, unable to say goodbye. As I watched him stumble back to his seat, I heard Beastboy cry out. I realized then, how close I was to the coffin, close enough to be almost in it. And staring down at me was Beastboy, his eyes alight with fear. I knew he couldn't see me, but somehow he seemed to sense me as he took a few steps back, his head whipping back and forth before he ran off.  
  
Quenches and quells....  
  
I roamed the streets after that day, occasionally checking in on my friends. It wasn't long, though, before they split up. And that's where things became even worse. Raven became more distant, keeping away from human contact, Beastboy took out his aggressions on anyone breaking the law, his vengence becoming more and more vicious as time went on. Cyborg, he felt it was neccessary to watch the entire city, reporting infractions and keeping tabs on the rest of the team. And Starfire, she still helped the occasional person in need, but her halfhearted attempts were normally met with fear as she grew more and more bitter and impatient with Earth's customs.  
  
Angels and Demons.....  
  
Things came to a head on the one year anniversary of my death. I was floating behind Cyborg, scanning the city for anything of interest, when a screen caught my eye. Starfire, her body thinner and her hair a messy tangle, had just stopped in front of a handicapped pedestrian. My view was suddenly blocked by Cyborg's massive, yet frail, body, as he stood up, muttering to himself. " How the hell did he get out? Oh man, Star's gonna kill him if I don't stop her." He continued murmuring to himself, but I was too preoccupied with my own thoughts. ' Star wouldn't harm another, unless...' It hit me, this was the guy that had taken my life, and that meant..... I was floating/flying out through the Tower, trying to make my way to the scene. I knew there was nothing I could do, but I still had to try.  
  
Off and on.....  
  
I arrived just as Starfire had the man by the throat, his useless legs dangling in mid-air. His eyes were wide as he recognized the gold skinned alien. The look on Star's face, though, is what scared me more. Her eyes were glowing so deeply that it hurt to look at them, her free hand was clenched into a tight fist, a slight green glow beginning to surround it. As she brought her fist forward I heard her say, " You feel it is your right to inflict death on another and then proceed to escape from your punishment. I have waited all this time to give you your just punishment, and indeed I shall inflict it now." The glow around her fist increased in intensity as it connected with the man's face, the flesh of his cheek immediately beginning to smoke as the man's mouth opened in a silent scream, his eyes bulging from fear and pain.  
  
Burning and searing....  
  
I swooped down, reaching for her arm, calling out, " Please, I know you can't hear me, Star. You don't want this, you can't kill him. You'll be no better than him!" I knew she couldn't hear me, but as my hand passed through her flesh I saw a change in her. The glow in her eyes suddenly ceased as she released the man's limp body as if it was poison, her knees striking the ground as she slumped down. Her face raised up, looking at the heavens. " What have I become? Robin, why, why did you have to die?"  
  
Joking and jeering....  
  
There were tears, actual tears in her eyes. In the year since my death I had only seen her cry for me two other times. It gave me hope that she would be okay. But...I was wrong.  
  
Sadness and bitterness.....  
  
After releasing the man, who was still alive but badly burned, to the custody of the police, Starfire flew away. I stayed close behind, wondering where she went after the day was done. I found out quickly enough when she descended into the depths of a side alley, not far from the Tower. There, in the back, was a sturdy, refridgerator-sized box. I was shocked to see her enter it, but it was true, the once proud Tamaranian was now reduced to a homeless waif.  
  
Crime and justice.....  
  
As I watched her settle in, she produced a small pad of paper. On it, in halting words she wrote her plea, and I knew she was not alright. Somehow she managed to find Beastboy and Raven because I saw the two of them, and Cyborg at my grave later that day. It was then that Starfire delivered her most damning bit of news, that she was returning home. I didn't know what to think, I guess I should've seen it coming. My teamates seemed to feel the same way, as none of them put up a very convincing argument. And then Starfire was gone, heading down the street as the team split up for the last time.  
  
Home and away....  
  
Starfire left later that day, packing her meager belongings into a tattered backpack before flying off into space. I didn't follow her. Years later there was a mention from the Justice League about a Tamaranian princess being captured by Gordanians. Good thing Starfire isn't a princess.  
  
Gone and stay....  
  
Beastboy still roams the streets, his feral rages have kept many people away from him. Raven, has retreated into her mind. She's now bound up in a mental institution, entertaining the orderlies with stories about her father's eventual return. And Cyborg, his mind did reside in the Titans Tower until just a few days ago, but the systems are dead now.  
  
Now or never....  
  
My...friends, have not fared well, that I know, and it saddens me. Yet, it also angers me. Here I am, dead, my life gone, and yet THEY continue to lament my passing! Yes, I know Cyborg is dead too, but the fact that I haven't found him means that at least he might of got his final reward. As for the rest of you, get over it, there's nothing left to do, let me go and rest in peace! I can't go until you do, I realize that now. Maybe I'm just bitter, but it's been ten years! Ten long years without my final rest!  
  
Forever and ever.....  
  
But none of you will let go, will you? You refuse to, and as such you've bound me to the Earth, forever roaming until my memory is at last put to rest. That's my sin, for being loved so much by my friends. It keeps me here.  
  
A tormented soul, forevermore.  
  
------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. This story has now been laid to rest. The Titans futures are forever in doubt, but Robin has plenty of time to watch the rest of his friends die, after all, he's doomed to roam the Earth until they do. If you read, please review. I'm interested to find out what you thought of Robin's part, the finale of the story. 


End file.
